Tender Mercies

If you know Mama B, you know that whether you want to or not, you're going to soak up some of her wisdom just by standing next to her. I have been incredibly lucky to watch (and experience) her not only be a mother to all her children (biological and otherwise), but a teacher or rather, an educator. Her lessons range from the kitchen to the heartstrings, sometimes are unspoken, and never disappoint to remind me that I am strong and capable. She always has the answer and the right thing to say.

Something Mama B taught me this summer is to appreciate the little things, the small moments of happiness and joy, because sometimes they can be few and far between. These bits of happiness and joy can come in all different forms, sometimes in the form of what she calls Tender Mercies. Those moments when you feel like Austin is standing next to you... giving you a hug, cheering you on in a race, or simply just standing there. It's not paranormal, it's just a sense of Austin. An intense remembrance of sorts... imagining whatever he would be doing if he were able to be there.

Tonight I had a Tender Mercy. I was watching TV and someone in the show I was watching picked up a guitar. A ping of sadness and regret flooded through me because I haven't played my guitar all summer. I just didn't really feel like it I guess. But tonight I couldn't help but want to. I sat down thinking about what to play and was suddenly overwhelmed with the memory of a commercial Austin and I had seen with an acoustic version of Stand By Me in it. It was so gorgeous, we sat literally entranced in the commercial and when it was over we instantly looked at each other and said "We HAVE to learn that!" I started typing into YouTube and came across something I didn't expect.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pN-U5aE6Rog&feature=related

It starts out...

"This song says no matter who you are, no matter where you go in your life, at some point you're going to need somebody to stand by you."

such a relevant concept to the last few months and the family and community that has kept all of us going, but it becomes an example of people all over the world coming together to achieve a common goal. You should really watch it. Seriously, it's pretty dope.

I have no idea how it happens, but sometimes I feel like Austin twists around the strings of fate to make us giggle or cry or feel comforted in the fact that his love is never gone. How did he know that video is exactly what I needed, but could have never found on my own? Oh those Tender Mercies.

In a sea of doubt about whether I could live out my seemingly ridiculously naive life goal (World Peace... I'm not kidding) it made me realize that there was hope. As cheesy as that may sound and as silly as it may seem I really do think I can help change the world in at least some teeny tiny way. I glanced down at my left foot and read the words I recently drew there forever. I'm still looking up. And I am. Remembering all the people who are standing by me whether I fail or succeed (the Leaves of My Family Tree) made me realize there's no point in holding back. In these last few months I've realized that you have to do what you want to do in order to be happy. So I'm going to do it! ...whether everyone thinks I'm crazy or not!

If you're reading this wondering how this classifies as an adventure... It may not seem like one, but I feel like the next 6-7 years spent getting my Masters and my Ph.D so I can try to educate our college youth will be one. So will the whole educating the college youth thing. So here's to a renewed passion to do what I want to do and live out my dream.

Thank you to the Leaves of My Family Tree, for everything in the past and for everything in advance. ;)

Sage